Mindful May

May is Mental Health Awareness Month;

An opportune moment  for honesty & transparency. Perspective, you could say.

“We are all human, and the one similarity that all humans have is that we are all different. We all have our own unique set of skills and qualities. ”

You could ask any of my family members, or anyone I went to grade school or college with. My personal history with mental health isn’t something that I’m oblivious to or ashamed of. I think self-awareness is pretty important, and I try to display that throughout my professional and personal life/style. I wouldn’t consider myself a narcissist, but I do believe in taking pride in appearance when necessary (and when isn’t, really?)

So there’s spectrum number one. One of many.

I’ve always been a little different…. odd/weird/etc. I didn’t know (or care) what it was when I was a kid, or for a great(er) majority of my life for that matter. I don’t think my parents knew what it was either… but they’ve done as much as they could do to help raise & guide me right. For as long as they have (& continue to do so), I’m forever grateful.

I was 22 and fresh out of college when I was prompted to look into my mental health. Like… I knew I wasn’t feeling well, and hadn’t been for enough time to take notice. I called my moms up and told her what was going on. I’m no cat, so if I’m calling my moms up to tell her that I had been sad as shit, believe you me… sad as shit I was. Through a work-life service at my employer at the time, I was able to get three free sessions with a therapist (& you probably can do. Most employers have an EAP. Check the kitchen board and/or your employee portal).

My first therapy sessions were with Bill Swenson in 2011. He helped put a lot of things into context served as a great resource for what has been an action-packed psycho- thriller throughout time (in my mind.) Let’s start back to an earlier, should-have-been but wasn’t-quite-so simple time in life….

I was a fireball when I was a kid. A fucking meteor. I’ve always had hella energy… energy that was often misplaced. Focusing on simple tasks didn’t come as easy to me as it did for others. This went on from childhood, to young adulthood, right along to full-fledged adulthood; the kind [of adulthood] that doesn’t allow the same space for excuses (as to why we ignore and/or confine ourselves to unhealthy patterns of toxic behavior and self-medication, both of which only perpetuate the greater concern at hand.)

After Swenson, I was referred to another doctor, and then another. Another spectrum of therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists (and those of us that see them); the former being more of an entry-level experience and the latter more suited for a more tenured and vetted character. Spectrum number two. Check.

8 years later and here I am. Close to a decade of highs and lows, success and failures, joys and pain, and multiple bouts of severe social anxiety and depression. (G.A.D; Spectrum number three.) I’ve learned a great deal about myself in these last eight years; about humanity, human nature, matters of the brain and it’s affect on our entire body and being. I learned the importance of acknowledgement and acceptance, in an effort to ascend to greater heights in all aspects of life & style. I’ve also learned that ascent (or elevation) will cause a separation of sorts. I’ve lost a fair share of friends throughout this journey. I don’t blame them, nor do I blame myself. I blame a lack of understanding. I blame overactive mindlessness, and a subsequent lack of mindfulness.

Moment of transparency: Throughout my life, I have (at times) shown to be mindless, reckless, impulsive, obsessive, hard-headed, hot-headed, cold-hearted, forgetful… & disrespectful, even. It’s the truth. Not one that I am proud of, but one that has to be acknowledged in order to overcome. Having been something and being something aren’t mutually exclusive. We don’t have to bound to unfavorable or toxic habits & thought patterns. Mindfulness over mindlessness.

Mindfulness:

-the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.

-a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

Self-awareness is important. As is emotional intelligence. Mindfulness is built on these ideologies and is an expressionary term that I have taken to a great deal throughout my life; physical, mental, spiritual. I like it better on this side of the mind line versus the other (not-so appealing): mindlessness. I’ve spent more time (and space) there than I intended to, & have received an equal and reciprocated amount of karmic energy as a result of.

Mindful Jams; For Your Life/Style (& M.H.A.M)

“It seems that for success in science or art, a dash of autism is essential.”

— Hans Asperger

I’m a complex guy. The time & consideration that I’ve taken towards my mental health has allowed me the space to turn perceived weaknesses or flaws into an unimaginable strength. The game-changing type. Here in the present; I’m using my position and place on a number of different spectrums to do… a number of things. If I had to quantify the number that I personally exist on (or within), I’d say somewhere between 5-10 of them, respectively.

If I’m lucky enough, I’ll continue to do more of what I’m doing now... digging deeper into my craft. Constructing thoughts, concepts and accessories, and sharing them with anyone that can resonate with these concepts of life, style, mental health and overall well-being. For the Progression, Protection, Direction & Balance of the Human Spirit.